Submissive Desires
Forming a D/s Relationship
The ultimate goal for a submissive is to meet the dominant of their dreams and
form a relationship that is mutually beneficial and satisfying. Accomplishing
this is not always easy and it requires some work and a lot of patience. There
are several major pitfalls encountered in this task. Here are a few and some
help in avoiding them.
* Rushing into a relationship before the proper foundation has been laid.
* Not being prepared for this type of commitment and knowing your limits.
* Lacking communication skills in expressing needs and desires in the
relationship.
* Failure to map out a clear list of expectations and obligations within the
relationship.
* Expecting too much too soon.
Being in a hurry has probably brought on more heartaches than any single thing
we hear about when discussing failed relationships. Those submissive urges can
be very strong and sometimes overpower common sense unless you really keep
things from getting out of hand. Without first building a foundation of love,
trust and respect, there isn't much hope of any relationship succeeding,
especially a D/s one. Searching for the Dom/me of your dreams is pretty much
like dating in the vanilla world but with an added twist: You will have to trust
this person with your life and wellbeing. You have to really know this person
and I personally do not believe this can happen before you have had several
months on which to base your judgment. Don't be afraid to ask for references
from people he/she knows in the lifestyle. If this creates a problem because you
did ask, I'd consider the possibility that this person has something to hide.
Not fully understanding your limits and the things expected in this lifestyle
can lead to some serious problems that can be easily avoided. Learn all you can
about D/s and yourself. Go over the checklist of activities with your potential
dominant and find out what things do an do not interest you. This list is
provided on the links below. You have the right and obligation to honestly
express your feelings on activities within this lifestyle. No one likes or needs
them all and keeping your real feelings hidden will only lead to problems later.
Keep in mind that dominants have limits too. For a relationship to be satisfying
and healthy it has to be based on mutual interests and goals.
Communicating effectively is more than just talking. You have to be able to
voice your concerns, hopes, needs, dreams, disappointments, and hurts as well as
all the positive emotions you so willingly share. Remember it's also listening
to what is said and the way it's said. Gestures, facial expressions and body
language often say more than words. Learning some better communication skills is
always a good investment for your future. A great deal of the dynamics of a D/s
relationship hinges on you openly sharing your fantasies and fears. If there is
something that's causing you to be anxious or has left you unfulfilled, it's
your duty to communicate this to your dominant. The same applies for the things
that have given you pleasure or satisfaction. You have to share what's happening
inside that submissive head and heart. Remember, even the best dominant is not a
mind reader.
Not taking the time to sit down and reach some clearly defined do's and do not's
can be the demise of even the best of D/s relationships. Both parties need to
know exactly what is expected of them and state what they need to receive from
the partnership.
A contract, preferably a written one, can save a lot of disappointments and
misunderstandings later. Drafting out a contract can be a wonderful experience
for both of you. It gives you an opportunity to view the long term goals for the
relationship and define the responsibilities and expectations each of you have.
Expecting too much from a relationship in the beginning is another costly
mistake. It takes time -- lots of it -- for both parties to build the love and
trust needed for a D/s relationship to grow. Each small hurdle that's overcome
helps to strengthen those bonds and gives the relationship a stronger
foundation. Both submissive and dominant will make mistakes along the way before
they learn to read each other correctly and to anticipate the needs of the
other. Using the things mentioned here and the tools found on the links below
will help get you past some of the worst times. When one of you has failed, it's
important to implement these tools to keep from repeating the same mistakes.
Here's a little quote that will help get you over some of the bad times...
These
keys are precious.
The keys are the rusty and unused ones of love, patience and truth.
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Love that seeks the good of all;
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Patience, that "overcometh evil," and tenderly, earnestly, strives to do all
the work set before it; |
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Truth, that speaks no ill, keeps the tongue clean, the
heart single.
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To these three keys it is given to unlock the sealed mysteries and beauties of
the heart which the world has buried 'neath its rubbish.
Keep these keys from becoming rusty...use them often.
Author unknown
