BDSM & D/s
Welcome to the BDSM and D/s Resource Section of a slaves heart.
Trust
There is nothing more important than trust. It is fairly said that the
first gift of submission is absolute trust. Trust is indivisibly
connected to respect. Trust is created through honesty. The loss of
any of these in a relationship is almost always fatal to the
relationship. This is especially so in a D/s relationship. Trust is
fundamental. When something occurs (generally through deceit or a
lacking of full and open communication) that trust is reduced or
diminished. The subsequent imposition upon the recipient of this
dishonesty to "forgive" is a forcible non-voluntary action. This makes
the person a victim twice. This type of manipulation undermines the
belief, the respect, the very core of the relationship.
One must remember that we all make voluntary choices in the actions we
take. If we knowingly take a dishonest action then we are solely
responsible for the consequences. If we believe we can "get by" with
pleading for forgiveness then we are actively showing disrespect twice
to the person we are injuring.
When people are in a relationship where trust may be the line between
safety and death there can be no negotiation. No justification is good
enough. In any case, even if we offer forgiveness verbally to a
person, there is a part inside that will always know what that person
has done. Never again will we be as open, as trusting, as stable.
Diminishment of respect occurs in the mind first. in thoughts of a
disrespectful nature for those in the relationship with us. After a
period of time, this disrespect becomes so familiar inside our heads
that we begin to present it outwards to others. We begin to open
direct and hurtful commentary to that person. Often we do not identify
the source of this disrespect as events that we had once given
"forgiveness" to. We like to believe we are capable of true
forgiveness but how many of us are truly saints?
The solution to this breakdown is quite simple. Make choices which do
not require forgiveness. Choices which will in no way violate the
trust of the ones we value in our lives. To be respected you must be
respectable. If you are always dishonest then you are demonstrating
your true consideration for those around you. Dishonesty is a lack of
basic respect. period.
Many people justify their dishonesty by a belief that is for the
better of the other person not to know. This means secrets. Virtually
all secrets surface eventually. When they do, your respect for that
person will be revealed. You are not protecting them by lying, merely
turning a small problem into a huge one. It is a way to manipulate
people in an involuntary way. It is often hard to learn how to be
honest. There are many things in our lives that encourage us to lie.
We learn them at a young age. This tends to set us up for years of
impersonal relationships. We tend to communicate poorly, hide things
that embarrass us, skirt things that are uncomfortable, and in general
make terrible choices in how to live with quality.
D/s REQUIRES trust, which REQUIRES honesty, which BUILDS respect.
Know who wrote this? Please mail me if you do, so
proper credit can be given.
