BDSM & D/s

Fisting

The Power and Pleasure of Fisting

BDSM and fisting do not automatically go together but in the mind of some, BDSM and fisting make perfect bedfellows. Why? The idea, and reality of taking a hand or a fist into the vaginal or anal cavities is powerfully suggestive of sadism for the fister, and provokes powerful images of masochistic surrender for the fistee (and for those whose whistle it toots, t'is a good thing). People indulge in fisting for a variety of reasons, and for the Dominant partner, the intimacy of invading their submissive partners body so completely generates powerful feelings of total control, and domination. For a submissive partner the feeling of having ones body invaded so completely, so intimately is powerfully suggestive of complete and total submission, surrender, and provokes powerful images of helplessness that for many is a desired and needed component of D/s interaction. Why is fisting seen as an act of dominance for people who relate to each other in a power exchange relationship? It is simply an overwhelming act of penetration and possession of the submissive. For one to submit to such a process the trust must be real and complete for the experience to be a pleasant and successful one.

Fisting is one of the most extreme forms of play that BDSMers indulge in. The fantasy of fisting usually involves injurious brutality, helplessness as the fistee is filled to overwhelming and painful proportions. The reality of fisting is that it must be done in a slow, relaxed and progressive process to be safe, pleasant, and to allow your partner to feel it is something they want to revisit with you at some point in your future.

Success is not guaranteed. Fisting is one of those things that you can think you want, but then when it becomes your reality it can be frightening, or scary. The Dominant needs to be aware that the submissives emotions, and mental fortitude can change at any point through out the process of working the fist into the anal or vaginal canal because the sensations are intense and can be frightening when feeling them for the first time. If he or she becomes frightened be prepared to abort the process and try it again at another time if it is desired. Also keep in mind that the larger the hand is, the longer it will take to get it into the canal of choice, aka... pussy or ass. For fisting to be successful, especially the first few times the submissive experiences it, she must feel relaxed. If she begins to feel frightened (and it happens believe me) be prepared to stop. Extreme apprehension can prevent the submissive from relaxing enough to allow the muscles of the perineum to relax and expand enough to accommodate an entire hand... fist style. Be prepared to set aside a couple of hours for this activity. For most the goal of fisting is to induce your partners body to relax and willingly accept and accommodate your fist through arousal, more so than through active stretching, or forcing the fist inside, and forcing is not a healthy way to do it as this can cause serious injury from tears and trauma to the tissues involved. Coaxing the human body to behave as you want it to takes time, it is a process that if given the appropriate amount of time can be exceedingly physically, mentally, and emotionally fulfilling.

Elasticity of the muscles of the perineum increases with sexual arousal. It will be beneficial to you to get your submissive aroused and keep them in a highly aroused state as you go through the process of fisting. Talk to him or her, ask them what they need, want, or desire. If your partner responds positively to the feel of your fingers or tongue against her clit then manipulate her clitoris, remembering that the more she is aroused the greater your chances of making this a positive experience for both of you. If your submissive partner is a male and responds positively to the stroking of his balls or cock through out the process.... stroke it baby! Or at least allow him to. Remember that in a highly aroused state the mind interprets sensations differently. Most people are able to find pleasure in things which would be other wise too painful to enjoy while sexually aroused. Remember, the primary source for what feels good to have manipulated and what you should leave alone is the person whom is working on taking the hand. Some find clitoral stimulation to be too much, too distracting or even annoying during the process of vaginal fisting, while others couldnt get through the process without it. Remember that while fisting your partner is already feeling potentially overwhelming sensations, try and provide them with just the right combination of "periphery" sensation as to make the fisting process as successfully pleasurable as possible.

One of the essential factors to facilitate a successful fisting scene is communication. Never underestimate the importance of being attentive and caring at all times during a scene. And in the intense kind of scene that a fisting scene can be being alert to your submissive is imperative. In my experience as a submissive woman it promotes my trust and my feeling of security when I know that my Master is not only inflicting upon my more than willing flesh his various methods of torments and tortures, but to know that he has an attentive eye on me and that he is going to do everything within his power to keep me safe during a scene allows me to relax and float off into the head space which he is trying to create for me. I have a sense of being truly able to depend on him to be not only my tormentor, but also my protector... no matter the situation. Never under estimate the value of security which being a caring and safe dominant will provide for your submissive... and never underestimate how far it will allow him or her to go for you.

A word on lubricants and gloves. Water based lubricants are always going to be the best and safest lubricant to use. KY jelly should never be used as it dries out quickly and once dry can take on tacky, sticky qualities that can be harmful. The store at Bondage.com has available a wide variety of lubricants which are widely used to keep things slick. Oil based lubricants should never be used and particularly in the vaginal cavity. There are many possible choices to use for your lubrication needs so shop around and find one that suits you. If you are planning to use latex gloves it is even more important that you do not use an oil-based lubricant as this breaks down the latex and will cause the loss of integrity of the latex barrier. Also, be sure to check with your partner concerning an allergy to latex. Latex gloves are well and good until your partner breaks out in hives or worse from the use of them. Nitrile gloves are latex free, and are a suitable substitution for latex gloves. Both Latex and Nitrile gloves can be bought over the counter at your local pharmacy.

The position you choose for vaginal fisting should be one which will allow comfort for both fister and fistee and promote body alignment so that you are able to progress into the vaginal cavity at the right angel. Keep the lube nearby because you are going to be using alot of it. "Too much is almost enough". You cannot make it too slick. Grooming of your fingernails is important as sharp jagged or torn nails can tear the delicate lining of the vaginal walls. Use of gloves in conjunction with the lubricant (water based) sometimes makes insertion of the fist into the vagina easier.

Vaginal fisting starts with insertion of one to two fingers into the vagina, and moved in and out. As the vagina becomes wetter and loser she will be able to take more fingers until the four fingers are involved. Following is a description of folding the fingers in ‘Screw the Roses, send me the Thorns... The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism,

"Bring the middle two fingers together, the first and little finger on top of them and he thumb in the middle. After the entire hand has been inserted into the vagina above the pubic bond, just fold in your thumb, relax your hand and it will naturally form a fist".

I have also heard this formation of the fingers referred to as a "ducks bill". Once you make it past the knuckles, also referred to as "the ring of fire" because of the intense burning the width at the knuckles causes when the tissues begin to stretch, you have made it past the last major obstacle. Past this point there should not be any sharp pain. If she is uncomfortable try slightly rotating the hand in an attempt to relieve any discomfort she may feel. Once in the fingers will fold down over the thumb making the fist ... and the next thing you know the mouth of her pussy will be gripping your wrist. The pressure she will feel is intense, and may be overwhelming, and even frightening. If she is ready for you to pull it out do so, and talk to her, talk her through it because it has to come out slowly. If she can get past this point without wanting you to remove the hand and can relax the pressure quickly turns to pleasure. It is a feeling of being intensely full. The fist may need to simply remain still until she is used to the feeling of being completely filled, and the burning sensations subside. When she is ready you may begin to move very slowly, very gently and experiment with what she finds most pleasurable. You may want to add a vibrator to her clitoris, or gentle touching and stroking... or give her the vibrator and let her use it, as it feels best. Whatever you do, talk to her. If you are in a position where you can hold her do so. If you have a mirror handy you might consider letting her see what her pussy looks like ones your hand has disappeared inside her. Some women love being tied down and feeling even more helpless throughout the process... if your slut is a bondage slut... tie her tight and watch as she writhes in your ropes... and feel it as her pussy clutches your fist within its depths.

For those women who are responsive to the stimulation of the G-spot movement of the fist gently, and slowly in a twisting kind of motion can be enough to set her off. This involves rotating the fist in a circular motion so that the bulk of the fist slightly rotates. Some like the sensation of the fist shimmying. In this the fist does not move... just vibrates. Eventually, when and if she is ready for it you can make fucking motions with the fist and move it back and forth within the vagina in small degrees.

Anal fisting is widely practiced in the homosexual community and has such names accredited to it as ‘handballing, and punch fucking. In the BDSM community not only gay partners may choose to participate in the activity of anal fisting. Male submissives of female dominants are oft times the lucky recipients of their Mistress fist. Some male dominants find the idea and act of working their fist into their female submissive's asshole just as pleasurable or possibly more so than working it into her vagina.

Preparation for an anal fisting is different from that of vaginal fisting. It is very unlikely that you will be able to work your fist into the anus in a few hours. Training the anus to stretch enough to accommodate something as large as a human hand can take months of faithful conditioning starting with smaller and graduating to bigger toys. Also, keeping in mind that the function of the rectum and anus is that of waste disposal there is almost always stool, or faeces present. For this reason most Dominants (although not all) prefer that the submissive cleanse themselves with a clear water enema to evacuate the cavity of stool prior to the attempted insertion of their hand. As with vaginal fisting, you cannot have enough lube. One thing that is different for anal fisting from vaginal fisting is that some advocate the use of oil based lubricants when indulging in anal play. However if you use latex gloves you must NEVER use an oil-based lubricant of any kind. There are a wide variety of lubricants, none oil based to choose from. Lisa, a Domme who is in a long term relationship with her male submissive told me to be sure and mention that often times oil based lubricants leave the anus and rectum more sore than do the water based lubricants. Just like with vaginal fisting the cleanliness of the hand and grooming of the fingernails plays an important role in the safety of the submissive. Be sure your hands are clean and your fingernails are short without sharp edges. Some Dommes maintain long fingernails and have no intention of cutting them for playtime, and if this is the case perhaps gloves will be a must in keeping the safety and integrity of the mucosal lining of the rectal cavity intact.

Male receivers of the hand in their rectum benefit from the stimulation of the prostate gland that can cause the arousal factor to be highly intensified for them. Stimulation of the prostate gland can cause intense orgasms for the male submissive. For the female submissive the pleasure comes from the bulging fullness they experience when their rectum is full, and both male and female anal fistees report overwhelming, mind blowing and earth shattering orgasms as a result of the fisting experience.

Dominants and submissive's report the experience of fisting to be one of intense intimacy for them. One Dominant described it like this "It was like her body opened up and invited me into the depths of her. It was as intimate for me as it was arousing. I had never heard those sounds come from her and to me in her bitter sweet ecstasy and suffering, she was beautiful".

The orgasms are incredibly powerful, and one submissive told me it was almost like experiencing them from far away in a place where they consume you.

The most important elements to creating the fisting scene so that it goes well, and everyone gets something positive out of it is communication please never underestimate the power of communication in enhancing BDSM relationships and promoting safety.